It has been a while since I blogged. I went through some murky muck of anger and sadness, and I didn’t have much to say during the past month, except to myself. I did a lot of journaling, which often is how I do my work.
The awakening man sees clouds and welcomes them, whether they bring sadness, fear, anger, or the refreshing rain of spring. They provide great opportunities for learning. The question is not, “Why am I feeling so depressed?” The awakening man instead asks, “What are the shadows in my psyche that I hide deep and never confront; the shadows that manifest as ennui, dark sadness, enervation, and a 'fuck you' attitude that lashes out in rage? How can I find my lessons in those shadows?”
Sometimes weltschmerz overwhelms and we take it on as our needful mantle. Seething fear and anger blast out, and we hurt those we love and the innocents around us. Did I actually kick the dog last week?
The awakening man welcomes these unwanted visitors with curiosity. How did they come into my house? What is their purpose? What causes me to set aside for a time the depths of joy, kindness, peace, and compassion I worked so hard to feel, to live, to give to others?
Such times are fires of trial and consternation, burning away the dross of our psyches if we work through them. We must come to understand them, accept their guidance, and then release them. Our soul awakens further, and we become more alive as we learn and grow. We walk through and work through the swampy muck of depression or anger or fear, learning what our soul needs in its journey.
This takes time. The soul’s journey will not be hurried.
In time, the clouds drift away. We let them go, keeping close to our heart the lessons we learned. We allow the darkness to recede, welcome the dawn of new revelations, and feed on the breaking light of realization. Within the shadows of our soul lies much gold.
Our shadow work can bring revelation. A misbehaving dog can bring up memories of past darkness and can trigger suppressed rage. We may be dismayed to find how our anger and fury spills over onto our loved ones. We may be surprised that shadows of judgment, anger, and depression still lurk within. They can surface in terrible ways. Did we actually kick the dog?
We have heavy work ahead of us to drain that lake of murky muck (or is it mucky murk?) We must do the anger work, or sob, or shudder within and without to feel all of the import of our shadow. Then we must slowly slowly release its energy. Perhaps this takes the form of beating a pillow with a tennis racquet, journaling pages of muck, or just sitting and bawling.
As the clouds begin to clear, we must walk into the light of new activities, sometimes so different from what we have been doing. The awakening man often must get back into greater physical activity, especially during the winter if he suffers from SAD. Perhaps this all will lead to taking on a some sort of major physical challenge, or a new career path, or something as simple and as complex as a rededication to his core values.
He must study his codependence – living life for others instead of self. This is a common shadow behavior needing continual work! The journey entails balancing our ideals of compassion and service with the need to take care of our own needs and wants. Tough assignment!
Sometimes a shift is in the wind, an unknown shift of attitude, belief, or behavior. Perhaps it includes letting go of the material things we covet, activities that no longer serve us, or friends that drain us. Perhaps it takes the form of a stretch to try something in apposition to our current path. Sometimes it means just sitting patiently in a state of not knowing until the fog lifts of its own accord.
Then we can recognize that new life is on the horizon, coming with the sunshine of spring!
When murky muck shows up in your life, do you take the time to welcome those clouds and discern the lessons they hold for your soul? Are you patient enough to do the work of draining the swamp? What does spring sunshine look like?
 Carl Jung proposed the concept of gold in the shadows of our psyche. For a brief description, refer to the website:
 SAD stands for seasonal affective disorder. I wrote a brief paper on this psychological phenomenon, which for some people results in depression when the daylight hours grow fewer in the fall and winter. If you are interested, please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org.